Curating Your Social Media for a Happy Life

There are a number of reasons why we use social media. You might be an entrepreneur using social media to market your brand. You might use social media to keep in touch with friends and family in other states, cities or countries. You might use social media just for fun, but for whatever reason there are always those Negative Nancys that slip through the cracks and onto your feed with their dark rain clouds ready to ruin your parade. Here are some ways to make sure your feed is feeding you positive energy and how to get rid of the negative energy.

2000px-f_icon-svgFor Facebook: Get acquainted with the “Unfollow” button

I cannot tell you how tired I get logging on to Facebook and seeing a plethora of fight videos. You would think adults would have more sense than that to know it’s never okay to post videos of people fighting. It’s not edifying to anyone and what does fighting solve anyway? I cannot tell you how tired I am of seeing people use Facebook as their personal diaries to attack others. Okay, you’re hurt…someone made you upset, handle it like a mature person offline. I. Am. Tirrred, but that’s nothing a quick unfollow can’t fix. You don’t have to completely unfriend them if you still wish to stay in touch, but unfollowing is step one to getting rid of that negative mess. BUT if all else fails, you can just unfriend that person…seriously, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

twitter-iconFor Twitter: Mute

So Twitter has this new feature that allows you to mute certain topics or trending hashtags so if someone is tweeting about those things, they will never come across your timeline. In a world where we love to hate Trump, I cannot tell you how helpful that is. I mean sure I like to be aware of what’s happening in the world, but give me an emotional and mental break from it all. Some days I just love scrolling up and down my timeline seeing all of the powerful women and men I follow with their powerful and inspiring quotes and tweets. Sometimes you just need to wrap yourself in a bubble of positivity and leave that other mess on the outside.

instagram_new-512For Instagram: Unfollow

News is never “new” for long and it’s only a matter of time before it’s just completely over-saturated with the same things. Example: Beyonce announcing her pregnancy, well for starters, that’s not news to me, but seeing that SAME damn picture up and down my feed for two days straight annoyed the crap outta me. Everybody posting the same thing at the same time. The same memes, the same quotes cropping out the originator to make it seem like it’s theirs. The same twerk videos, the same fight videos, nonsense. Just hit the unfollow button. You won’t miss them. Trust me.

Sometimes when using social media we confuse being informed as being immersed and we spent hours scrolling and clicking through our social media apps and when it’s laden with negative images, bad news, and just overall ridiculousness, it can affect our mental and emotional health and leaves us in a bad state of mind. Just as you designate certain days to clean house, make sure you are taking the time to clean up your social media often.

xoxo

Living My Spiritual Truth

1480969527417I grew up in a family that was and is very much rooted in Christianity and the church. My father was recently “installed” as the pastor of the church I grew up in. My mother is now a first lady and missionary. One of my grandmothers is a church mother, the other is an evangelist. My uncle is a Pastor and my aunt is a first lady as well…you get the point because the list goes on. As a kid, I was active in Sunday school, the youth choir, the junior usher board, and the youth ministry programs and activities, but as I got older, none of it felt authentic to me. It was as if I was programmed to practice Christianity because that’s what my parents practiced and their parents and so on, but I never felt like I belonged there. I felt fake. I felt like I was going through the motions.

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When I got to college, my first couple of years, Christianity and church were the last things on my mind. I was in a new environment completely free from my parents who didn’t wake me up every Sunday morning to get dressed for a long day in church. I felt free. I felt liberated from it all. Somewhere along the way, I tuned into all the background noise telling me I needed to be in church, and I needed to read my bible and I needed to pray and there I was feeling guilty because I wasn’t doing any of those things. So once again, I found myself in church, and attending campus small groups during the week trying to fake it until I made it. I pledged a Christian sorority and found myself with more questions than answers trying to reach a standard I really didn’t care too much about in the first place. I got tired and burnt out from trying to keep up. So I stopped.  Continue reading “Living My Spiritual Truth”

“The Hurting…” A Response to Rupi Kaur

I’ve always been a fan of Rupi Kaur since “Milk and Honey,” but I had only seen clips here and there of her work. I immediately appreciated her vulnerability and transparency. It’s something that I too, strive for in my writings. So I allowed myself quiet time this past weekend to treat myself to brunch, and splurges on some books and decided to add “Milk and Honey” to my library to be read in it’s entirety. A week later, through tear-stained eyes, I’ve finally finished her first chapter, “The Hurting.” I found myself having to put it down often, not being able to fully digest her words as they were triggering to my own life. 41 pages. 2 years. 

An empath, failing at ignoring the amount of empathy her words caused me. I could feel and hear and see the hurt seeping through the pages of that chapter. I could see the beginning of healing, the letting go of pain and the nasty scars left behind. I thought about my own hurting. How I never spoke of that period in my life. How it became a repressed and almost mythical event in my life. I never thought about it, therefore it never happened. I never shared about it, therefore it never happened. It never happened. 

I thought about that period in the young and innocent lives of two nine year old girls and how one closed up so tight that she became shut off, mute, and ashamed. I thought about how the other opened up so wide until she busted into a million pieces sprinkling bits of herself asking to be made whole again. Wanting to be made whole again, but never finding the glue that stuck around long enough for her pieces to dry.

I thought about how “it wasn’t our fault,” but why did I still feel guilty all those years ago? I thought about the terror and the vulnerability I felt when being left alone for even a second with the monster from the neighborhood. I thought about all those times those two nine year old girls would scramble to get away from the monster who rode in the backseat with us on the way home from school.

A 17 year old boy from the neighborhood experimenting with his own sexual curiosities, I thought about those two nine year old girls who fell victim as his test dummies. I thought about how for the first time in my innocent life I became aware of parts of myself that were attached to myself.

I thought about that day being pulled into my mother’s room and being questioned about the monster who’d latched on to my family. Sharing family dinners with us, hanging on my family’s house stoop, chilling just because. He was my cousin’s best friend.

I thought about years later, riding the city bus home from high school seeing his face standing on the street corner in front of the bodega and feeling a heavy ball of disgust brewing in the pit of my stomach and his audacity to even say hi to me as if we cool peoples.

I read those chapters of Kaur and thought about all of these things and realized it was the first time I had thought of these things since I was one of those nine year old girls on the cusp of my tenth year.

Some days I wonder had this affected me in any way in my now adult years. Is this the reason I have a hard time committing? Am I non-committal? Am I too picky? Why do I get bored easily? Why do I often find myself extremely underwhelmed by men? I mean, I’m not interested in women, but I’m extremely cautious with men. 

Now in the later half of my twenties, I find myself thinking about these things often. I think about my desire to establish roots, build and create a family of my own and I see how easy it comes for some, but it’s such a difficult process for me because no one seems to add up.

Are the affects of my silent hurting and repression subconscious?