Talking or Dating: Understanding New Age Dating Terms

After being single for two years, I decided that I was ready to really start dating again. In that two year span, I had really figured out the career path I wanted to go down and I started to establish a foundation as an individual that would allow me to gain some independence until I met someone special. I’ve met a plethora of men from Tinder, OkCupid and even some acquaintances that I had already known, but I can’t say they could keep my attention. The thing is I get bored easily and lose interest really fast, so it’s hard for me to make a choice on whose worth my time because I haven’t met anyone yet that is. That is until three months ago.

Back in November I somehow became a regular at a really nice southern bar and restaurant in my city and the first time I went was actually for a date with a guy who turned out to be a complete weirdo. I was introduced to the bartender who I had an immediate attraction to. Of course me being me, I kept it to myself, well I did gush over him to my girls, but no one else knew. So I became a regular at the restaurant. First, because he made the most amazing drinks and the food and atmosphere was also very friendly. Up until three months ago and on my third grapefruit martini, he had no idea how I felt until my girl blurted out asking him if he would go on a date with me and he immediately agreed and we exchanged numbers. I was both excited and nervous. What the heck am I going to do?


Fast forward three month to now. We’ve established a good amount of basics about each other, gone on a few dates, still run into him at the restaurant and one of my guy friends asked me a question that almost brought me to a halt. He said, “So when are you two going to start dating?” I’m sitting there like wait….I thought that’s what we were doing. He said no you guys are talking. So out of curiosity, I asked him to please explain the difference to me because this conversation had now turned into some new age dating type of topic that I was completely unaware of. According to him, talking to someone is usually the beginning stages where you’re trying to get a feel for someone by texting and hanging out, but it’s nothing serious. They could be talking to you and a host of other women at the same time because there is no clearly defined direction as to where things are going or where things are meant to go. Makes sense, I guess. According to him dating is when you’re taking someone out and getting a deeper understanding of them. So I asked “Does that make things exclusive?” His answer was no, so once again what’s the difference between talking and dating?

It got me to thinking what am I getting from this guy and what exactly do I want? How do I get from this supposed talking phase to dating and if I get to dating, to what intensity am I willing to go? Thinking back on those three months ago, we started talking under the agreement that neither of us was looking for anything serious. It was the safest way to go since I didn’t know what I wanted yet. I’m sure I’m thinking too much, but how can one tell the difference between talking and dating? Is it a feeling? A conversation? Has anybody else found themselves in this situation?

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