If you could map out a blueprint to any life you wanted how would that life look? What if I told you it was possible to have that exact life? Would you believe me or would you think I was being ridiculous. I always say if you can dream it, if you can muster up the thought process to imagine it then you can certainly do it. If I could write down what my life would look like it would be to wake up every morning and WRITE. Just write from anywhere in the world. I want to be a published author. I want to write children’s book because I often think about what my children will read growing up. I want to write poetry because I know even in the hidden meanings and metaphors someone will understand exactly what I’m feeling. I want to write the story of my life over and over again in different characters because I know someone will be able to identify with the awkward girl, the hopeless romantic, and the lonely workaholic.
I’ve been blessed this year to have a published book, a writing job with Madame Noire and the capacity to give back to my community, but some days I can’t help but look as how far I have to go before I can get that exact life I want. Some days I even wonder if it’s even possible. I look at a lot of the authors that I admire such as Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou and even J.K Rowling and I often wonder what their process was like getting to the exact career they want? Like what was it about their work that made someone invest in them? One word: AUTHENTICITY.
Writing that is authentic doesn’t happen overnight. I remember reading an interview with Toni Morrison and she talked about how she had a typical 9 to 5 job that she went to every morning and she would wake up every morning at 6am to write before she went to work. Sounds a lot like my story except I stay up late to write.
Some days I find myself wasting hours job searching online only to see nothing that interest me. I wonder will I ever get hired anywhere? Then it hit me. I’m right where I needed to be. It wasn’t life that was weighing me down, it was outlook and impatience that was. I realized that I was closer to my dreams than I thought. To be able to wake up and just write all day and travel. The only thing that was coming in between that was a part time job at the recreational center for youth and that was the least of my worries.
As real as fear is. I had to learn to not let it phase me. I often worried about money. How I was going to pay bills by just living my dreams, but then I looked at my life and I am blessed to be able to have a place to stay, food to eat and the means to have some fun with friends. I worried about success not realizing it comes in all forms. I’ve touched so many people through my blog, book and just speaking engagements through out my city and others. I worried so much about stability, but as a creative I’ve learned to embrace a little messiness and chaos to make for a colorful experience.
I dared to follow my dreams even when I had family constantly in my ear questioning me about survival options because some part of me was at ease. When life knocks you down or when you’re in a moment when you’re really feeling the weight of it all just know that you are strong enough to handle it all. Learn to see what is, not what isn’t. You’ll feel a lot better knowing how far you’ve come towards making your dreams work.