It’s nice to know that I run with a circle of highly educated women. Yes we have Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees. We work in education, medicine, finance and law, but for a lot of something is missing and that’s being seen AND heard. Our voices. So as some of us sat around a bar counter on Tuesday night just speaking out loud all of our accomplishment we had never thought about ourselves as highly as we sounded. Hell, I impressed my own self when I spoke out loud everything that I do, but the brag fest soon turned into a venting session of all the things that are “bringing us down.”

Why am I 25 years old with a Master’s degree in education, a field that’s considered to be one of the most in demand, a published author, blogger, public speaker still struggling to make ends me off a part time salary? Why did she have a Bachelor’s in Economics, MBA bound, with a long resume of experience in marketing and management, but collecting unemployment? These were just some of the many pains that we shared that night on the way to that bar and sitting around that bar counter.

Am I doing something wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I feel like the universe is punishing me? Were some of the unanswered questions we asked, eyes glossy almost tearful. When will it be my turn? So I walked into work today, Hump Day, just not feeling it. I was uncomfortable and restless because on paper, I had just as much if not more experience than half the people in charge, but I’m at the bottom of the totem pole on the employment chain. I got through the day as any other day. Did my job, loved the children and clocked out when it was time to leave. Rather than catching the bus home, I decided to walk. Clear my head and brainstorm some ideas to get myself out of the funk I had slipped into and on the way I saw a Monarch butterfly. It flew near me for a few blocks. I could have sworn it was following me. The beautiful orange, black and white wings fluttering, but I could see it in so much detail.

I mean sure I’ve seen Monarchs before, but I realized I was seeing them more frequently in the past few weeks. Being big on symbolism and the fact that the butterfly following me could be a sign I searched the meaning of the Monarch butterfly and I started to feel so much better as I read. I learned that the Monarch is a symbol of hope. They are a symbol of profound change and transformation.

Like butterflies we go through different cycles in our lives hoping that we don’t repeat the bad. We are renewed daily and every day we elevate ourselves a little bit further mentally, emotionally and spiritually. For the past couple of years as I’ve been walking this journey to self-discovery and facing my fears I have been in desperate need of change. A change from my job situation, my financial struggles, a chance to really live the life I want without fear of failure and a chance to have the love that I need in my life. I am chasing hope. I am believing and trusting that my transformation is on the horizon.

2 thoughts on “{Hello Fear} | Running Towards Hope

  1. Great post!! I’m unemployed (but a college drop out), and I always worry that my chances would greatly be improved if I actually had a degree… It’s a bit comforting to know that immediate success isn’t guaranteed with AND without it!

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    1. So true! Sometimes I even wonder why I even got the degrees. They’re just paper meant to be validation but honestly there’s so much more to a person than a degree. Nowadays people just wanna know if you can do the job.

      Liked by 1 person

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