Recently, I went on a mini Facebook rant about how every time I log on I see someone in their feelings posting a sad or sappy status about how they wish they were in love or how they wish they had someone, or asking why when someone has a good person they would rather choose the opposite. At some point in my life I’ve had these same questions and thoughts, but it’s getting really tired. My biggest distraction, aside from fear, is the thought of being lonely.
I think the older we get, the bigger the expectations become. At 25, I find myself questioning what exactly are some practical things I can bring to the table in a committed relationship and I can’t really answer that confidently. I mean sure I have a ton of love and support to give, but love and support gets you but so far when building with someone. How can I support a relationship financially? What kind of security can I bring to lay a solid foundation in this relationship. I started to look at the list of qualities i want in a man and reversed it to the qualities I want for myself.
Without fail, I visit my family and often get asked when I’m getting married, when am I going to settle down and get serious with someone. I honestly don’t even have anyone to even begin to ponder on these things and I am okay with that. For me, love can most certainly wait. I’m emotionally ready, but life experiences have taught me that emotions aren’t enough. So how will I know when I’m ready and when I’ve met the right one?
Lemme give you an example. I dated a guy for six years, we we’re in a committed relationship and it seemed like the logical thing that we should get married, but when he actually started to take those steps, he talked to my parents got their blessings, picked out a ring and showed my best friends. I should’ve been happy and excited right? Well, I wasn’t. It was as if the fear of God had been placed in me. I hit the panic button and started thinking about every thing in my life I hadn’t accomplished thus far and at that moment, I knew I was missing one EXTREMELY important detail, Self-Fulfillment.
There is a level of certainty that comes with finding the one. It doesn’t leave room for doubt or panic, you learn a valuable lesson in unconditional love and effort doesn’t feel difficult. Love can wait because I don’t want to put the effort in building with someone right now. I am in my phase of selfishness and I am focusing on my own life. I was joking with a friend, but I was serious when I said I was hanging up my hippy card for my grown and sexy card. Lately I’ve been attracting all these wishy-washy men and they have caused me so much distraction.I was trying to see things that wasn’t there and trying to force somethings that weren’t meant to be.
Now I am in a space where I can focus on my writing as a full-time job and it’s the most amazing feeling ever. Love can wait and it will wait. My best advice is to preoccupy your time with yourself. When you’re doing well and have reached a level of self-fulfillment people will notice, love will find you.