A Lesson on Love

This year has been an interesting dating year for me. In addition to getting my career in order, I found myself both teetering between enjoying the single life and wanting something exclusive. I’ve dated all types of men who seemed nice at first, but always turned out to not be ready for what I was looking for and half the time I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I was just going with the flow. Now that I find myself in a season of social isolation with lots of time to myself as I wrap up my final projects for the year, I find myself learning more about myself in terms of love in this alone time.

My friends made a great point in telling me that I’ve gotten so used to being in control of my life that it’s pouring over into my love life and how I interact with men. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging who you want, but being pressed is a different story. In other words, learn how to have a seat Deja. I’m so used to knowing what I want and going after it, but when it comes to people I’ve learned that it has to be a two person race towards each other. I burn myself out and lose interest quickly because after I’ve exhausted myself there’s nothing really left on my end to do.

Be true to your standards, if someone thinks they’re too much then it just weeds out the weak links. The right person will rise to the occasion and will exceed them. I used to be so interested in a guy that I would be okay with the things that should’ve raised a red flag.

lessons on love

I realize that I do want something serious. I joke all the time and say I plan on adding a puppy and boyfriend to my life in 2016 and I may have to reconsider the puppy, but in my singleness these last two years I have discovered so much about myself. I have really found myself and let a lot of past hurts go. I am living the carefree life, but I do want someone to share it with. Of all my successes and accomplishments, I would love to build and grow with someone. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship and I am ready for that step now.

I’ve learned to stop overthinking and asking questions. I haven’t gotten it fully down yet, it’s still a work in progress. I ask for answers instead of just reading actions. My friends say I cause myself unnecessary anxiety and I’m pretty sure that I do. In seeking answers, I’ve learned that love in unexpected, but a choice at the same time.

I’ve learned that earning someone’s trust and friendship is valuable when building a relationship. You have to date your best friend, he has to be the person you want to share everything with (even your girl talk). He has to be your adventure buddy. He has to be your companion and lazy day friend. The person you can get all intimate and cozy with and the person you can pig out with and be a bum with.

You meet someone you really like and the expectation is that it does grow and you fall in love, but even in finding love you have to choose to actually be with that person. Love is a daily decision. I’m a naturally loving person with a lot to give and I guess I’m waiting patiently for it to creep up on me.

3 Comments

  1. I completely understand when you talk about control. I have my own routine now, and having a man would disrupt that routine. I don’t want to get married just for that reason alone. Lol

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    1. Lol I want to get married, so I’m learning how to share control with someone and in most cases relinquish all control completely. It’s really difficult. I’m one of those people where if I want something done I HAVE to do it myself but in relationships it can’t be like that. Lol ugh! What a process!

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  2. Overthinking is the biggest obstacle in all of our lives… It prevents us from being great at every opportunity, but the best lesson in trust when it comes to love is trusting YOURSELF and your instincts!! 🙂

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