My career life thus far has been on fleek (I hate that word btw). I am doing more writing than ever. Sharing my story with others and gaining so much inspiration from the connections that I meet, but my love life is basically non-existent. For reasons. I’ve come to understand that I have a lot to lose with everything I’ve built for myself. I’m cautious about my space. I’m protective of my space and who I let into it.
I hear all the time from men, they like my energy, they want what I have to rub off on them, or they want to share my world with me and while that may all be well and good, I haven’t found anyone I feel that way about mutually. So…I just don’t…date. I keep it casual and at arms length. When people ask me why I’m single with a tinge of disbelief in their voice as if I have no right to be, I simply say BECAUSE I WANT TO BE. That’s the way it’s always been and while there are times when I desire companionship and to be with someone it leaves as quickly as it came.
I woke up this morning feeling different though. It had nothing to do with the ultimatum I had received this morning after only ONE week of getting to know someone (it did a bit) or the fact that I am hung up on a guy who’s so aesthetically pleasing and would be a great match (just a bit), but it had everything to do with the fact that I can’t seem to let go of being single. I’ve come to love myself, my freedom and the life that I am building for myself at the moment so I automatically get defensive when a guy shows interest in me.
Perhaps I just haven’t found the right fit yet to make me feel otherwise, so how do I get back to love?
Someone said loving yourself will attract the right attention to you. In loving myself I’ve created a monster that won’t allow anybody else to love me. I’ve tried to remain opened, played the field and tested the waters, but it seems nothing makes me want to knock down my guard just yet.
I get that good things take time, patience, dedication and nurturing. I’ve never heard of anything transpiring overnight and lasting a lifetime that was healthy. I’ve learned that sometimes the things we ask God for doesn’t always present itself in the package we want, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still need it. These are things I consider in every aspect of my life. The way I see it…I have a lot to lose by being hasty and making rash decisions…so I need to make sure my foundation is solid enough to stand on it’s own, but what does that mean for me and love?
How do I get back to love?