A Fella’s Guide to Supporting the Sistahs

Often times, I see and hear that black men need to be more supportive and loving of the black woman and often times, I agree, but I thought why does it have to be such a difficult task? Why is it so hard for us to just support one another and I realized it’s mainly because we simply don’t know how. Let’s be honest, there isn’t much positive representations of black love and support on a romantic level and a platonic level and when there is, it’s usually boring as hell. So it’s no wonder people get hyped up off drama. There’s the idea that yeah, we’ll support our sistahs, but with exceptions. Meaning they’ll support a certain type. So I decided to make it easier for the fellas who are making a conscious effort…and for those who aren’t…DO BETTER!

Appreciate our NATURAL beauty

It’s cool if she rocks long weaves or crochet braids with a “beat” face, tight dresses and stilettos, but it’s also cool if she doesn’t. It’s cool if she doesn’t take hours to contour and highlight her face and prefers a simple lipstick. It’s cool if she doesn’t touch her eyebrows. It’s cool if she’s the wash and go queen and only needs an afro pick to start her day. Fellas, it’s cool. It’s cool for you to have a preference, but it’s not cool for you to bomb on and bash other women because they aren’t your “cup of tea.” Appreciate the things that make her who she is, physically. That means cut the crap on the dark skin slander, quit it with the nappy jokes, and stop making us feel like anything less than the amazing women we are because we don’t look a certain way.

STFU and Listen Bruh

One of the most important things a black man can do for his black woman is listen. Seriously, we’re not asking you to be Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent and fix our issues all the time, we just want you to listen. Don’t be so quick to label a black woman as angry and bitter because she’s upset about something you did. Don’t rush to the defensive side so quick. If you love us and sincerely want to support us, you’ll hear us out. She ain’t angry or bitter, she’s just tired and it might not necessarily be with you. It could be work frustrations, the perils of motherhood, her interactions with others, the list goes on and she could just use a fresh pair of ears. Otis said it best in try a little tenderness. So stop flapping your yaps and open up them ears and LISTEN.

Show the Hell Up

Black women…we show up, for everything! We show up for everyone, but when we need our men to show up for us all we hear are crickets unless you’re the son, father, husband of the woman that dragged you to the event. Recognize us! Acknowledge us and quit leaving us hanging! So what if we’re hosting a panel discussion for women or a writing workshop for kids, show up and make yourself useful.

You Ain’t Got the Green Light

The one thing I hate when it comes to respecting the black woman, is there’s always an exception. There should be no exception to giving someone respect! There’s the idea that if she doesn’t respect herself, then no one else will. NO. You show her respect still and help her see the value in her worth. That doesn’t give you the green light to join in on the hate train. If you see something, say something! If you see a woman being bashed on social media or in public, don’t share it for shits and giggles, or be a silent spectator, say something! Be accountable for your brotha that’s bashing your sistah. Stop it with the respectability politics. You can’t say you love black women, but then pick and choose which black women you’re going to respect based off your standards, usually physical ones.

Our Lives, Our Choices

Seriously, can we live? Live without society policing our every choice? Can we at least get that freedom to choose from our men without judgement? Let us be great. Let us be great and single. Let us be great and taken. Let us be great and natural. Let us be great weaved out. Let us be great twerking on a Friday night at the Hookah lounge. Let us be great in Sunday morning worship. Let us be great in a tight bodycon dress. Let us be great in a hijab. Just let us be great and respect that our choices are our choices and unless it’s causing you any harm and danger then you shouldn’t be speaking except to edify.

Check ya Ego

She don’t want you bruh and you know what, that’s okay! Life goes on and it will literally be about five minutes before you’re cat calling the next woman who walks by, so you don’t need to call her a bitch, slut, fat or ugly because she didn’t want you. Check ya ego and squash it. Also before you open up your mouth to speak to her, ask yourself, what can I do for her life? Why should she stop for me? Am I being respectable in my approach?

Now, before anyone starts with the “same goes for women,” or “…and vice versa,” let me just say I’m not addressing women right now, I am addressing men. I’m talking to you brothas. I applaud and send kudos to black men holding it down for black women. The black men who know that the only way black people will progress is if we start loving each other unconditionally. The black men who knows that black women are the future.

 

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