Sometimes even with period trackers and regular cycles, there are times when the tide is high and decides to spill over anyhow. It happened to me recently and I had to call in special reinforcement to make a stop at the drugstore. I had to call the boyfriend and talk him through the process. Any man that’s grown up in a house with women whether a mother, sister, niece or cousin; any man that’s lived with a woman; and any man who has a daughter will know that once a month for a week, sometimes less, you sir are on eggshells. Everything you say or do, everything you don’t say or don’t do is amplified by a thousand as you walk that thin line between life and the afterlife. This is why it is crucial that when she sends you to that drugstore you come back with the right products…including a proper chocolate bar (ice cream will suffice as well) and whatever else she asks for. Don’t mess up.

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On the flip side, messing up is easy to do when you find yourself lost in the feminine product aisle surrounded by so many options. I’ll admit that when I first “crossed that line into womanhood,” it took me a while to figure out which brand, which style, which type of feminine products worked for me. So we get it, and decided to make it easier for you so that when we send you to the store asking to bring us back some “pads,” you don’t come back with “pantyliners.”

Essential Items

open-box-of-u-by-kotexTampons

For all the sports fans and athletes, no they are not just for nose bleeds, tampons are an essential feminine product item that most women prefer. They come in different sizes and are made mainly of cotton. They can be left in longer than a regular pad and are preferred among women who are athletes, women who have busy lives and who are physically active more. They act as a plug and can last between 4-5 hours although it’s recommended that you change more frequently, especially when you use the bathroom. To be on the safe side and to further capture any possible spotting accidents most prefer to still wear pantyliners with their tampons. Point blank period, there’s no way you can mess up tampons, just make sure you get the brand right. If she asked for Kotex, don’t come home with Tampax. It won’t be good for you.

Pads

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The most commonly used and the most complicated. They come in different sizes from long to short. Heavy to light. Wings, no wings. So you might want to phone a friend for this one fellas. Make sure you get her brand, her flow, ask whether she prefers wings or no wings and if she wants regular or ultra thin. This will make sure that she gets the comfort she needs. No one wants to have to walk around with what feels like a diaper in their pants.

img_7993Pantyliners

They look like pads, but they are much smaller with just enough to cover the seat of the undies. Pantyliners are for those couple of days after her cycle has ended, but there’s still a little discharge. They don’t have wings, and they’re usually one size only. So you really can’t mess this one up. Pantyliners are also usually paired with tampons in case there’s a bit of leakage. They come in much smaller packs and are a lot thinner than pads. Most women usually won’t request this because there’s always more than enough underneath the bathroom sink, but it’s best to know than not know.

Important Terms to Note

Heavy Flow 

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Seriously, it’s like a Do Not Enter crime scene. It’s like a busted water pipe. It’s like a leave me the hell alone, I literally can’t move from my seat because I’m afraid if I get up, cough or sneeze I’m going to release what feels like a waterfall in my pants.

Medium Flow 

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Not as bad as heavy flows, but there’s still the risk of unleashing a stream if you cough, sneeze, laugh too hard or stand up.

Light Flow 

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You finally start to see the light at the end of the crimson tunnel. It’s almost over and a brand new day is approaching!

Other Essential Items

Heating pads

Chocolate Candy Bar

Hot Tea

Feminine Wash

Drugs 

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Dos & Don’ts

Fellas, some things are going to happen that you might not understand during that week, but please bare with her. She might want you to hold her because the cramps are that bad and leave her alone at the same time. She might not have an appetite, but suddenly want an entire platter of spicy buffalo wings and fries. She might laugh one minute as tears of sadness simultaneously flow from eyes. This isn’t The Exorcist, you don’t need to call Father Bryant…just do what she says and no one gets hurt.

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Periods get easier to manage the older we get, they become a normal part of our female lives, but they are still one of the most uncomfortable for us fellas, so DO listen and make it easier for us. We’re dealing with some drastic emotional and physical changes.

3 thoughts on “A Man’s Guide to the Feminine Product Aisle

  1. This is easy, guys. Simply go around the house and use your smartphone to take pictures of everything she needs during her time of the month. Now, you have it all on file. When she calls you up, crying and moaning, all she has to do is say “Chocolate, tampons, and wine!” and you will automatically come home with the right stuff and you will live another day.

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