Accessing My Struggles & Why I’m Okay With Giving Up

I recently came across a quote that read “Self-talk is the channel to change behavior” and it got me to thinking about some of the struggles I deal with on a spiritual level that affect my entire lifestyle from work to relationships to my overall well-being. I’ve been trying to come to terms and really figure out what I want to do with my life and at 26, I feel like I should be well on my way, but I’m not. I’ve found myself working at so many jobs that’s left me feeling unfulfilled. I’ve found myself in so many unhappy and dead end dating situations. So I had a moment where I thought about it all. I spoke them out loud. I had a conversation with myself and I decided that if I was going to struggle, it would be because I’m taking risks and working towards something that I love rather than struggling to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I had to access my struggles and ask myself am I struggling because I’m being stretched? Is it because I’m put in a vulnerable position to learn and grow from or is it because I’m trying to force a lifestyle that I have no business in? For any that fit the category of the latter, I realized it’s okay to wave the white flag or throw in the towel.

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Most times we hear you have to stay strong and see things through which in turn implicates that giving up and quitting aren’t admirable traits, but in my opinion, it takes a special kind of courage to walk away from situations that no longer serve you well especially if you’ve gotten into a routine or a complacent place in your life. Sometimes it’s even hard to recognize those safety nets for what they are because they feel right in that moment but in the long run they aren’t.

Giving up isn’t always a bad thing. When your heart is no longer in something, walking away is okay. When your situation becomes unhealthy, it’s okay to give it up. When it’s changing you for the worst and pulling you away from the things that you love, it’s okay to say “no more.” When better doors are opening up and your intuition is leading you down a different path, it’s okay to want the finer things in store for you. We have such a twisted perception of what it means to give up that we often times don’t see giving up as a mean to also gain so we find ourselves stuck. We become stuck in dull relationships, accumulating years without substance. We find ourselves stuck at dead end jobs without promotions, growth or raises. We find ourselves taking up pew space at churches that no longer feed us spiritually. We become just another woodwork to society and that’s no way to live. I’ve learned to wave my white flag when necessary and be okay that I did it. I’ve learned to walk away from situations without regret because I know that I did the right thing. I realized that everyone isn’t going to like every decision I make, but the life that I live is mine alone therefore, doing what’s best for me is always a good decision.

Finding Confirmation When The Dots Connect

When life comes at you, sometimes it comes at you hard…and fast and there’s never a way to be prepared for it. Some days you just have to say f**k it and let the waves carry you. Sometimes what you thought you were scared of and weren’t ready to handle actually turns out to be quite a beautiful journey and a story.

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This story is about connecting dots. A few days ago I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. As usual, I was looking at the covers of the unorganized rows of magazines to see if there was anything interesting. So after checking out the food and bridal magazines, I saw tucked neatly near the register was a “connect the dots” book and I said wow I haven’t seen one of those in a long time. You know, the connect the dots activities where you have to find the consecutive numbers and trace them until what’s left is a picture. I thought about that in terms of my life.

At first glance the dots just look like a bunch of nothing. There’s dots everywhere and numbers everywhere and nothing makes sense. The 1 dot is next to the 50th dot and the 2 dot is next to the 30th dot but the more you connect the dots, the more clear things become and you begin to see the bigger picture.

I thought about why I had been so unhappy and why things just weren’t falling into place the way I wanted. I got lost in the jumble of dots and wanted so badly to leap from 1 to 40 so that I would be more than halfway there. There being my “destination.”

It wasn’t until I acknowledged the divine order over my life did I learn that fulfillment comes in the connecting of the dots. To stop looking to the future for my answers and instead be present. To peel away the layers to find the dots. They were there all along, as they are for each of us. If only we wouldn’t pave over them with messages of “I’m a failure” or “That was a big mistake” or “What’s next and where will I find it?”

What’s the moral of my story? Start at 1 and then 2 and then 3 and even if you have to erase a few lines and redo them…even when it feels like things are taking forever to make sense and even when things aren’t looking as neat as you’d like, just know that no matter how you began, life will come full circle because you can’t finish the bigger picture until you connected the final dot back to 1.