Cupid’s Arrow Gun

This is another one of those cases where I had to unlearn what I’ve been taught and draw my own conclusions about love and life. I joke often about my usage of OkCupid. It’s a lot more entertaining than Tinder and requires a lot more effort when creating a profile. You have to answer a series of questions and as you swipe through profiles you’re able to see the compatibility percentage between you and others and you’re also able to see the questions that you answered the same and the ones you answered differently. So I use it often. I spent hours and hours swiping, matching and messaging guys from NJ and NYC to see if there’s a “spark” or a mutual interest to take things further. I’ve met my share of creeps and pervs. I’m sure my block list is as long as the NYC marathon at this point. However, recently I matched with a guy from Harlem and on impulse and since I was already in the city, I invited him out with me and some of my friends to have a fun night in the Lower East Side. So we met the same day we matched and I usually don’t do stuff like that for obvious dangerous reason, but I was feeling brave.

We met at a bar in the Lower East Side and conversation was great. I was already two drinks into my tequila on the rocks and was feeling extremely courageous. I didn’t have any food in my system, so we ditched our friends for a bit and walked to a .99 cent pizza shop across from the bar. We sat outside and talked about everything. Socialism, favorite colors, work, favorite foods, political viewpoints, hobbies and I decided that I actually liked this guy. The fact that he wouldn’t allow me to pay for anything was also a plus. Not that I needed him to. So we walk back to the bar and join our friends. After several shots, dancing and just acting silly the bartenders did their last calls. We closed ur tabs and hung outside the bar. One of his friends, extremely ignorant approached us and said, “I don’t have anything against gay people, just don’t touch me.” So in a sarcastic way I said, “why? Do they have diseased hands?” So we got into an argument because according to him, AIDS originated from gay people, it’s an abomination and AIDS was their punishment like the plague in Egypt. Of course I asked him for a black and white scripture on the abomination of homosexuality to which he couldn’t give me one. My OkCupid guy to my relief agreed with me on everything I was saying, but then he blurted out he didn’t believe in God.

Pause.

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Now this is the part where I needed to start thinking. I grew up in an orthodox Christian household where there are rules. Life is black and white just as the pages in the Bible (minus the red). That’s how I was raised, but throughout the years as I grow into a woman, I realize that life isn’t black and white. It’s actually quite colorful. I’ve learned to unravel everything that I’ve learned these last 25 years and have really examined the bigger picture of life. So why was him not believing in God weighing so heavy on me? I took to Facebook and asked my friends if they could date someone of a different faith or no faith at all and most said no, but all it takes is that one to identify with to make it all better. My sorority sister spoke up and talked about how she’s been in a relationship with an Atheist for the past three years and not once have either of them tried to change the other. He’s opened her mind up to so much and vice versa and they have a very healthy relationship.

I can’t deny that I do actually like him and would like to get to know him a lot better, so I asked him his reasoning for his choice and he actually had a similar story to me. He was raised Catholic (I was Christian) and he just didn’t feel like he belonged. SO many of his life experienced caused him to shift his views. He’s Honduran and life’s experiences living in Central America has left him with a lot of questions. He’s an insanely intelligent person, very genuine and caring and I like his character. He calls, texts, makes plans, so I’ve learned to be very open minded and get to know him better without being so quick to judge, toss aside, etc. It’s too early to tell where this’ll go though, but I’ll keep you posted! 

I want to know has anyone dated outside of their faith and what was that experience like for you?

Living My Spiritual Truth

1480969527417I grew up in a family that was and is very much rooted in Christianity and the church. My father was recently “installed” as the pastor of the church I grew up in. My mother is now a first lady and missionary. One of my grandmothers is a church mother, the other is an evangelist. My uncle is a Pastor and my aunt is a first lady as well…you get the point because the list goes on. As a kid, I was active in Sunday school, the youth choir, the junior usher board, and the youth ministry programs and activities, but as I got older, none of it felt authentic to me. It was as if I was programmed to practice Christianity because that’s what my parents practiced and their parents and so on, but I never felt like I belonged there. I felt fake. I felt like I was going through the motions.

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When I got to college, my first couple of years, Christianity and church were the last things on my mind. I was in a new environment completely free from my parents who didn’t wake me up every Sunday morning to get dressed for a long day in church. I felt free. I felt liberated from it all. Somewhere along the way, I tuned into all the background noise telling me I needed to be in church, and I needed to read my bible and I needed to pray and there I was feeling guilty because I wasn’t doing any of those things. So once again, I found myself in church, and attending campus small groups during the week trying to fake it until I made it. I pledged a Christian sorority and found myself with more questions than answers trying to reach a standard I really didn’t care too much about in the first place. I got tired and burnt out from trying to keep up. So I stopped.  Continue reading